Slow Dance on the Inside 36
by midnight pain
Summary: Everything was so different now from what it used to be


There was time when it was easier than this.

It seemed so long ago that things were simple (or seemed simple). The days didn't feel so useless and long and the nights weren't so empty or cold. They had friends and school; they had homework and lunch in a big hall; they had teachers and classes and detentions. It all seemed so far away now. Things changed and they grew up, and all the things they used to love got left behind.

(and did they leave themselves behind when the innocence and childhood were gone and all that was left were the people they didn't want to have to be but were because there was no other choice?)

Everything was so different now from what it used to be. It used to be the three of them all the time, and then they moved, and got engaged and married (to the wrong one). It got so complicated. Her husband was good to her, so good, and the guilt washed over her every time she looked at him - because she didn't love him the way she knew she should (she loved his best friend). They all knew the innocence could never last (but it was so much prettier to pretend that it could and that everything would be ok easy always). Now she spent each moment she could behind her husbands back in someone else's bed, between someone else's sheets, enjoying, wanting, needing the feeling of someone else (his her best friend) inside of her.

(It was never supposed to be this way and here they were in the midst of everything they never wanted to be and lies and lies and more lies)

Graduating was hard. They said goodbye to everything that had been familiar for seven years; they watched everything they knew disappear and moved headlong into everything they didn't know, everything they feared. They grew apart from the friends they loved so well, that they knew, that knew them. But she never stopped loving him. When she opened her closet and looked at the old graduation robes she can still see his face; she can still picture those moments they had alone in her room. She can still picture the hurt in his eyes from knowing her decision (the only one she could really make because it just made sense and she just had to and she was sorry). She can remember wanting so badly for September to last forever.

(Because she couldn't stand that this was the end of everything she ever knew was sure of and seeing his face everyday and she couldn't bear the thought of separation and separation and loss of the one thing she never should have had)

_She stood in front of her four poster bed staring at the robes in front of her. This was it. The end. Seven years had gone so fast. This felt so surreal (how could this be over?). Ron had come in and hugged her tightly; he'd come to tell her that this was the beginning of their lives (she should have said that). He told her not to worry, and kissed her softly and said he would see her downstairs. She refused to cry. When Harry came it was different._

_"I know I shouldn't be here."_

_"It's ok. Ron came by too."_

_"I know. I saw him on my way up."_

_(It's awkward because they both love her so much but one only one and it's not fair)_

_"Harry..." The tears were burning her eyes worse than before._

_(It hurt so much too much to have to face the end of something like this because she didn't want to miss his face miss his touch his eyes miss him so much and he knew this was what they had to do and it hurt just hurt)_

_"Hey," he said softly. "Everything is going to be ok."_

_(He was lying and she knew and he knew but what else was there to say?)_

_"I don't want to do this," she whispered. There were tears in her eyes (he hated to see her cry). "I don't want to say goodbye to this..." She paused, looking down at her hands before looking up at him again, the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I don't want to say goodbye to us," she whispered._

_"Then don't."_

_"Harry... you know I have to stay with Ron."_

_"I know."_

_(They knew and it hurt it hurt so bad but it was the way it had to be because Harry was stronger than Ron and he could handle things the way Ron couldn't so she had to had no choice because Ron needed her more)_

_"I don't want to do this..."_

_(She's crying and he wants to and there is always tears and he hates that and she knows it but she can't help it because her heart is breaking into pieces and his aches)_

_He take her in his arms and holds her. He knew this was a free moment and he would never pass it up. Everything they had together wasn't supposed to be; she was Ron's, not his, and he wanted her more than anything in the world. He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone._

_"You'll be alright, Hermione. He loves you."_

_"I know."_

_(But he doesn't love her the way Harry does and she'll never love him the way she should the way he deserves because she loves Harry too much more than she should but it's there and real and it will never be gone)_

And he remembers. And she remembers.

(He presses against her and she breathes his name gripping him so tightly she never wants to let go but she has to because she has to go home because Ron needs her always needs her because he's just not strong enough).

And they remember when.

The hands on the clock tick (they never stop never stop). And they wish they could turn them back.


End file.
